Despite my promotion to Nurse Practitioner the male doctors still mansplain me. My days don’t change that much. I still push that boulder up the mountain only to have it roll back down again.
Paul has already left for work. The knocking from the ceiling tells me my neighbor and his girlfriend are quarreling again. I swivel my body and my bare feet land on the cold hardwood floor. I nearly fall on that floor as I have so many ridiculous mornings before. I manage to stand up in my panties and plod like a POW to the sink. The cool water perks up my endorphins ever so slightly. My embalmed body is beginning to rise from the dead.
My morning ritual ablution of an icy shower works its magic bringing me into full wakefulness. I quickly towel off and pull on my scrubs. The Reeboks come on last. This gig doesn’t require fancy duds. Every job has its perks.
Soon I am taking blood pressure, checking men for hernias, and doing prostrate exams.
I walk in with eyes the color of deep blue Arctic ice. I find my patient sitting on the bed awaiting my entry. My patient says, “I feel the zing of an electric charge pulsing through my leg.” He puts himself in my hands. I am a nurse of softness.
I instruct him to undress to his briefs and put a ring of plastic skirt around his waist. I swish out of the room. Within moments I open the door and approach him with a flirty smile.
I ask him where the sparks fly. The naughty glint in his eyes tells me that I am the source of his current. I stand huddled close to him. I run my fingernail up and down his leg. All the while I beam feminine energy with my coquettish grin.
With swift daring I plunge my hand under his skirt to touch his hip. With a giggle I ask if he feels it there. He says, “Oh yea. It feels like an electric shock sensation. I may have a pinched nerve.”
“Or you may just be overly sensitive to touch.” I glance down at the ripple effect in his plastic skirt. The look on his face is priceless. God I love my job on days like these.
“When did you first notice it?”
“While in the shower with my wife.”
“Well, I don’t think you have anything to worry about. Just think of it as an extra shot of espresso in your latte.”
I have him dress and lie on the table. I lift his shirt to expose him while speaking with flowery flow. My fingers do the walking. I probe the lower regions of his tender abs. He exhales as I withdraw
Then he says, “I also am having painful urinations.”
My jaw drops. I tell him, “Well then I’ll need to examine you. Stand up and take off your underwear. I’m going to have to check your testicles and penis.”
“Do what you must do” he says.
I reach between his legs and check his balls for any lumps. I tug on his penis to look for abnormalities there and find I have charmed his snake. I wink at him and he looks away like a schoolboy caught looking at a Playboy magazine. “Well nothing to be concerned about in your penis. Your testicles are in the clear too” I say.
His chest is heaving all the while. Finally I tell him, “Bend over the exam table.” I probe his prostrate like a spelunker while enjoying his every groan and moan. Finally I tell him, “Your prostrate is looking good too. Nothing to worry about there. Get dressed and wait here for your papers. Then you can go home to your wife. She is a lucky woman to have a man who takes such good care of himself.” I extend my dainty hand and he shakes it. “Thank you, thank you” his voice trembles. His cock dangles like an obscene sausage.
“Pleased to meet you and my pleasure” I say.
Back at my apartment, I unlock my door, throw off my shoes and crash on the bed. I hear arguing upstairs. It sounds like my young neighbor is having another spat with his sweetheart. I curl up without undressing. The ruckus above me dies down.
As I glide into my bed I fall like an angel into my inner sea. Dawn comes with percolation of aching joints. I dress appealingly with feminine flourishes. This nurse will put her shoulder to the grindstone once again. My reward will be in heaven no doubt. That thought brings a chuckle to my secular humanist cynicism.