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my dreams heartbeats ROTD

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OCTOGENARIAN

my dreams heartbeats ROTD

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Posts: 1257

(06/22/09 10:30 AM)

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my dreams are like carousel horses
unhinged
galloping never trotting

and the carousel music
has played into a repetitive malaise
I've trapped myself under the ride
with the grease and machinery

and so I am scattered ashes
black smoke drifting

my dreams heartbeats
tick as timebombs
as long as I let them run

Cherri's Read Of The Day For 06/24/09

Last Edited By: dawnsconstellation 06/23/09 09:43 PM. Edited 1 time.

princetp

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Posts: 19456

(06/22/09 06:12 PM)

~Prince Of Hearts~
Protector of the Dawn
Seeking The Paladin
Administrator

Poet Of The Month
-July '2005
-July '2006

One Of The Brat Pack

octo...

this is so damn good

Join Me Beneath The Stars at....Poetic Constellations

S.H. Sharp: "Words equal tricks; prose equals conjouring; poetry equals magic. Conjuring is the prose of illusion; magic, the poetry."

passionaterider

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Posts: 28884

(06/22/09 10:33 PM)

I always enjoy your writing and this is no exception... Good stuff Oct!!! Bri~

From Bri to Dawn
*Our love is Our song*

ThePhoenix61

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Posts: 818

(06/23/09 12:24 AM)

Awesome write Octo !

The Phoenix

aMourningGlory

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Posts: 15508

(06/23/09 08:56 AM)

~Chandelier Dazzler~
Administrator

Look at the stars...Look how they shine for you...(Coldplay)...

One Of The Brat Pack

The Slingshot Goddess

my dreams are like carousel horses
unhinged
galloping never trotting

Octo,

My favorite lines are those you offer at the very beginning. Overall, this is one, I think, of your finest and my new fav of yours. Great metaphors.

dawnsconstellation

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Posts: 62040

(06/23/09 09:40 PM)

Star Goddess

~Board Owner~

The Gossamer Raven

...can you feel the whispers...within the words???...

Leader of the Brat Pack

(((((Octo))))))

*sigh*

This is one hell of a write.....absolutely stunning portrait you've brushed in these verses.........congratulations on Cherri's pick for Read of the Day

**Hugs**

~dawn~

Click Here To Join Our Family Beneath The Stars

Dawn-13.gif picture by dawn1209

dawngossamerraven-1.gif picture by dawn1209

.."and when you find you're spending your time wanting for words, but never speak...my, my, my...let your bright light shine, let your words live on far beyond this life....far beyond this life"...(Rob Thomas)

dawn-1.gif picture by dawn1209

poetry-1.gif picture by dawn1209

"In the end were all just chalk lines on
the concrete, drawn only to be washed away.
For the time I've been given, I am what I am."
.......

A poet is the priest of the invisible......
the prophet who translates the whispers of the souls last breath in the final verse of their poetry
the artist who weaves silence into tears of inkdrops
...becoming the voice within those saltwater whispers...

Rosebud111

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Posts: 2015

(06/23/09 09:52 PM)

Sparkling Rose

Moderator

Octo, enjoyed reading this - excellent write...

jackie

ThePhoenix61

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Posts: 832

(06/23/09 11:14 PM)

Congrats on the ROTD Octo!

The Phoenix

Lord Whiteroses

x

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Constellation's Family

Posts: 76

(06/23/09 11:57 PM)

There are no words to describe how *dayyyyum* this is. Congrats on ROTD. Love, Zach

owlcry

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Posts: 1585

(06/24/09 04:08 AM)

Goddess of Word Art
Moderator

Dan,

This is an excellent poem. Congrats on ROTD! Sarah

Whispered Rhapsody

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Posts: 1800

(06/24/09 04:43 AM)

"If I have touched just one heart through my words then I have acheived my dreams"

Soul Whisperer
Poetess Gentilesse
~Moderator~

One Of The Brat Pack

The metaphors run deep in this and I enjoyed it very much. Congrats on rotd!

Strange how laughter looks like crying with no sound
raindrops taste like tears, without the pain ~Queensryche

The greatest beauty on earth is found in the hearts of those who love ~D
On the Wings of Words our spirits fly, and our souls are free ~D